A Beer, Please

The project is almost off the ground and I will resume regular posting shortly. In the meantime, enjoy this.

BEER is better than women because:

• Beer doesn't mind sitting in the freezer for an hour to cool off
• You can enjoy beer all night long
• Beer doesn't complain when you fart
• A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football
• When your beer goes flat, you toss it ou
• Hangovers go away
• A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer
• Beer doesn't care how much you earn
• Beer never has a headache
• You can have a beer in public
• Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car
• A frigid beer is a good beer
• A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it
• Beer doesn't come with in-laws
• You are never embarassed about the beer you bring to a party
• Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't
• Beer doesn't whine
• You can't catch anything except a buzz from a beer
• When you're done with your beer, you just go get another one
• The only thing a beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom.

Move Over, David Letterman

According to the Museum of Hoaxes, by way of MSN, here are the Top 10 April Fool’s jokes of all time

10. Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In April 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 a.m. a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event would occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 a.m. arrived, BBC2 received hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her 11 friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

9. Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers
The April 1995 issue of Discover magazine announced that wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. They had heads with bony plates that became burning hot due to overactive blood vessels. These creatures could bore through ice at high speeds and hunt penguins by melting ice and causing them to sink into the slush and the hotheads' mouths. Dr. Pazzo also credited the hotheads with the 1837 disappearance of Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson. "To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," she was quoted as saying. Discover received more mail about this article than any other in their history. It was, of course, a joke. And "Pazzo" is Italian for "crazy.”

8. The Left-Handed Whopper
In April 1998, Burger King published a full-page advertisement in USA Today that introduced a new menu item: a left-handed Whopper, designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the ad, the new Whopper had the same ingredients as the original (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a press release that said the left-handed Whopper was a hoax, and that thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. At the same time, the release stated, "many others requested their own 'right-handed' version."

7. Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
An article in the April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason said that the Alabama state legislature voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the "biblical value" of 3.0. Before long, the article was being e-mailed around the world. The extent of the news leakage became apparent when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, and written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

6. Nixon for President
In April 1992, National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation" announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was: "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded to the announcement by flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. In the second half of the show host John Hockenberry finally admitted the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

5. The San Serriffe Islands
In April 1977 the British newspaper the Guardian published a special supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean. The articles described it as several semi-colon-shaped islands, with two main islands named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse and a capital, Bodoni. The country's leader was Gen. Pica. The Guardian was soon fielding calls from readers seeking more information about this holiday spot. Few people noticed that the entire San Serriffe republic was named after printing terminology. The success of this hoax is credited with launching Britain's enthusiasm for April Foolery, which has filled the nation's tabloids ever since.

4. The Taco Liberty Bell
In April 1996 the Taco Bell Corp. announced it had bought the Liberty Bell and had renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called Philadelphia's National Historic Park to express their anger. Their nerves were calmed when Taco Bell revealed it was all a practical joke. However, the best line of the day came from White House press secretary Mike McCurry, who, when asked about the sale, announced that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. McCurry said it would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

3. Instant Color TV
In April 1962 Sweden had only one TV channel, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their TV screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process and thousands of people were fooled. Eventually, Sweden did get regular color broadcasts, but not until April 1, 1970.

2. Sidd Finch
The April 1985 edition of Sports Illustrated published a story about the Mets' new rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch. He could reportedly throw a baseball with pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph (65 mph faster than anyone else). Surprisingly, Finch had never played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans everywhere celebrated their team's amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality: This legendary player existed only in the imagination of the article's writer, George Plimpton.

And the #1 April Fool’s Hoax of all time is:

1. The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In April 1957 the BBC TV news show "Panorama" announced that, thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. The report showed footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti from trees. Huge numbers of viewers called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. The BBC diplomatically replied: "Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

We had Chinese last night. There’s a great place called China Moon on Main Street in Stoneham, and when we want a fix we order from there. I had the General Gau chicken with fried rice and yatka mein soup. Bill had the lobster sauce over white rice and wonton soup. My stuff was pretty good, but Bill wasn’t too crazy about the lobster sauce.

Of course, we each had fortune cookies. They gave us five cookies, and here’s what my two said:

“You’re transforming yourself into someone who is certain to succeed.”

I thought that sounded pretty good. But the second one pulled absolutely no punches:

“You will be successful someday.”

Nice. And before you go thinking that we got our cookies from a success-heavy batch, you should know that none of the three other cookies even mentioned success.

Confidently yours,
Beantown D

Non Compos Mentis

I should have just gone to law school. For the past several weeks, I have been working on a legal document for a business venture I’m involved with. It is a contract, basically spelling out what each side will do and detailing the distribution of the income.

As a marketing guy, I find it difficult to have to compose a document with legal jargon. Usually, most of the copy I write are things like “Buy two—get one free!” or “Only $25!” You know, stuff where the consequences are not very dire.

Here’s a direct line from the contract I’m writing: “Affiliate will indemnify and hold Company harmless from all claims, damages, losses, and expenses (including, without limitation, attorney’s fees, payable as incurred) arising from or relating to the development, operation, maintenance, and contents of your site, use of the advertising, violation of this Agreement, and/or violation of any right of another party.”

Wow. Heady stuff. I’m not used to writing a document where one wrong word could cost you your entire business. But there it is. And that’s why it’s taken me three weeks to write a six page document. But I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now to find a nice lawyer that will review the language and make sure I’m not guaranteeing our demise.

More later…

Concert Week

It’s concert week. Phone rings today. I answer it.

ME: Boston Philharmonic

VOICE: Hi, I’m a subscriber. And I have my tickets. And they’re for Thursday. [PAUSE]

ME: Yes, ma’am?

VOICE: And I need to go Sunday.

ME: I’m sorry, ma’am, do you have incorrect tickets?

VOICE: No, I need to exchange my tickets for Sunday.

ME: Unfortunately, the deadline to exchange your tickets has passed. We no longer have tickets here in the office; they have all been allocated to the theatre box office.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

ME: Ma’am?

VOICE: But I need to go Sunday.

ME: I’m sorry that you missed the deadline, ma’am, perhaps you could share your Thursday tickets with friends and purchase new tickets for Sunday.

VOICE: I’m not sure I can go on Sunday.

ME: I’m sure there will be tickets available at the door.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

…
…
…
…
…

VOICE: What can I do?

ME: At this point, ma’am, we cannot exchange Thursday concert tickets.

VOICE: But I thought I could exchange.

ME: Yes, ma’am, but our exchange deadlines were mailed with your season tickets so that you would know to take care of them before they pass. We do not have any tickets in the office to be able to accommodate you. That is why the deadline is when it is.

VOICE: [PAUSE]

…
…
…

VOICE: Um

…
…

VOICE: I guess I’ll just have to figure something out.

ME: Have a great afternoon, ma’am.

[LINE DISCONNECTED]

What is wrong with people? Can’t they understand basic English? I was not spouting 25-cent words at this woman; I was speaking in the simplest and clearest possible language. I am so glad that my job doesn’t put me in constant contact with the public. I hated working at McDonald’s and in retail. And then when I worked at the UNO Jefferson Center, I had to deal with students and professors on a regular basis. You would think that tenured professors with PhDs would be able to understand simple English, but you would be incorrect.

Gah! Busy weekend coming up. I’ve got concerts tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday, and Bill is working a gymnastics tournament so we’ll hardly see each other at all.

Way To Go!
Isn’t it nice when people turn their interests into vocations? My friend Mary just got a new job with the New Orleans Public Library Foundation. They raise money for the public library. Mary has always been a big advocate of the library, and brings her girls, Katie and Betsy, there on probably a weekly basis to check out books and videos.

So, and I apologize for the blatant solicitation, if anyone has an extra $200 million lying around, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with Mary so that she can be a hero on her first day.

Groan
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you,” says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

The Weekly Roundup

Keeping My Fingers Crossed
Obama Continues to Build Momentum in Presidential Bid
Could Obama and Clinton be headed for a showdown in Colorado? I hope not, but it would make for interesting television. Clinton is going all-out negative in her latest TV spot in Wisconsin. Isn’t that what candidates do when they are panicking?
(Voice of America)

Unexplainable
Ill. gunman's rampage baffles friends
I was stunned like everyone else yesterday when this news came on. I guess I just don’t understand the whole nature of mental illness and how someone gets to the point where they feel compelled to carry out such violence. But as much as I feel for the victims’ families, I also feel bad for the family of the shooter. The press is accosting this man’s poor father and you can see the pain and sadness in his eyes as he begs to be left alone to suffer his trauma in private.
(Kansas City Star)

Missile Defense
Attempt to shoot down spy satellite to cost up to $60 million
There’s a “slim” chance that 1,000 pounds of flammable fuel will crash into a populated area. Yeah, let’s shoot the thing down.
(CNN)

Walker Walking
Government Accountability Chief Resigns
Does the GAO have any actual power? I know they review the processes and the money that flows through the government, but do they have actual authority to stop practices that waste resources unnecessarily? I’ve never really been sure what the line is with them.
(Washington Post)

Lost Lives
Ex-Ohio Cop Convicted of Lover's Death
This is heartbreaking. What kind of man puts his two year old son through that? I’ll answer my own question: a coward, a jackass, a person totally spent of morals. The fact that this man was in a position to determine the criminal behavior of others is frightening.
(Associated Press)

What a Whackjob
'Lonely' Calif. man accused of making 27,000 crank calls to 911
Just find some friends already!
(USA Today)

You Like the Juice?
FEMA trailers toxic, tests show
Yeah, I knew there was something strange smelling in my sister’s FEMA trailer. It was foul and it was strong. I’m glad she’s out of there.
(Los Angeles Times)

Happy Birthday To Me

Fallin’ on my head
The weather today is just crappy. Snow last night; everything was covered this morning, then it turned to rain. And boy did it rain! And rain and rain, all day long. And of course today was the day that I had back to back to back appointments out of the office. I had to meet with a radio rep, do a press check for a brochure, go see a telemarketing software demonstration, meet the music director at a TV studio where he was doing an interview, and finally meet my reps from Goldstar who are in town just for a few days. Whew! At least twice today my boss called me just to let me know how warm and dry he was in the office. Nice guy. Finally I got home around 6:30.

Wiser?
Well, at 3:26 this afternoon (central time) I officially began the last year of my 30s. It was nice. Most of the people important to me called, e-mailed, or myspace messaged a happy birthday. There was one notable exception; one of my closest friends did nothing all day but hound me for $100. It is a legitimate hounding; I do owe him the hundred bones, but jeez. Wouldn’t you think that he could let it go just for a day?

Bill and his nephew Mikey took me to Outback for dinner then we went back to Michael’s house and had cake and ice cream with the family. I got a digital camera as a present.

Overreaching
What I’d like to know if how it is the purview of the United States Senate what happens in the National Football League. This is why our government is so screwed up. Arlen Specter is the ultimate horse’s ass. He’s out to get his name in the paper and nothing more, just because his stupid Eagles suck.

We’re involved in a ridiculous war, the economy is on a freefall, schools are crumbling, terrorists want to strap bombs to retarded people and kill us with them, our natural resources are being wasted away, and this guy has the unmitigated gall to stick his nose where it most certainly doesn’t belong on the taxpayer’s dime. He needs to go. Far, far away.

Etc.
I never thought I’d say this, but I am officially over winter and am anxiously looking forward to spring!

Our February concerts are next week, an all-Russian program with a great cellist. Sales are okay, but I’m worried that if bad weather is forecast that sales may stall.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Groan
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home!'
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

The Weekly Roundup

Pimpin’
Clinton camp angry over disparaging of Chelsea
This is why I will not vote for Hillary. I am sick of Hillary. In fact, I am sick of the Clintons. I am sick of hearing them bitch; I am sick of seeing them cry; I am sick of watching them smile, laugh, hug, and especially that stupid thumbs-up they all do. Chelsea is a big girl, and Shuster used a common slang term about her helping in her mother’s campaign. If anyone is not intelligent enough to know that he was not suggesting that the Clintons are selling their daughter for sex, then that person is not intelligent enough to vote. We’ve got real issues in this campaign; this campaign is absolutely critical to the very survival of our country as a representative democracy. Those issues do not include Chelsea’s thin skin. These issues do, however, include the stripping away of our rights, such as the ones guaranteed to us in the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. Please think about this before you dent the chad next to the name Hillary. Godspeed, Barak.
(Boston Globe)

Killer Twister
Funerals Begin for Tornado Victims
It breaks my heart to see all of the victims of this week’s tornadoes. I can’t even imagine the fright, pain, and panic of their last moments. One of my recurring nightmares is standing on a porch, watching the tornado get larger and larger in front of me, and I can’t do anything to avoid it or stop it.
(Associated Press)

Government Help
Congress Votes for a Stimulus of $168 Billion
Don’t be fooled. It’s an advance, not a rebate. If you don’t believe me, just wait until you file your 2008 taxes next year.
(New York Times)

A Good Thing
Cheney Defends U.S. Use Of Waterboarding
If it’s so good, dick, then let’s strap you down to a table, spray water all over your head, and see if we can find out just what you know about your boss’ plan to put a big old bullseye target on Valerie Wilson’s back because her husband was mean to you. This man disgusts me. Less than a year before he is irrelevant again, I have to keep reminding myself.
(CBS News)

Shocking End
Nebraska Supreme Court Outlaws Electric Chair
“'The evidence shows that electrocution inflicts intense pain and agonizing suffering,' Justice William Connolly wrote for the majority." Yeah, but it’s a lot more entertaining for the spectators than boring old lethal injection.
(New York Times)

I’m Not Really a Doctor, But I Also Don’t Play One on TV
Jarvik May Have Used Body Double in Ads
I take Lipitor, not because I trust Mr. Jarvik, but because I trust Dr. Shoap. So what if some other guy rowed a boat in a television commercial? Does that mean that Lipitor is bad for me? The things we choose to care about amaze me.
(ABC News)

Scum
Big Oil Strikes Back At Petrotyrants
Exxon vs. Chavez. So, who exactly is the bad guy here?
(CNN Money)

Cheesy
Polaroid Closing Instant Film Factories
Pretty soon, Outkast is going to have to re-lyric its song where it advises you to “shake it like a Polaroid picture.” How about, “Shake it like your hands do when you’re trying to take a digital picture”? Okay, back to the drawing board.
(Washington Post)

Hopefully He’s A Shill
BoSox can handle Schilling loss, but be wary
First the Patriots break our hearts, and now this. Curty, Curty, Curty, say it ain’t so!
(FOX Sports)

Third’s The Charm
When Incest Is Best: Kissing Cousins Have More Kin
Maybe it’s because each kid mutates into two separate beings? A lot of this study had to have been done in Arkansas; maybe it’s just more fertile soil up there.
(Scientific American)

Pump. You Up
Clemens' wife accused of using HGH
Nice abs, Deb!
(Sports Illustrated)

No News
All quiet on the Britney Spears front
I guess these days it’s news when Britney doesn’t make the news.
(New York Daily News)

Groan
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Mardi Surdoue

Well, while all of my friends and family were celebrating Fat Tuesday, I got to celebrate Super Tuesday here in Stoneham. This was the first time I’ve ever voted in a primary. You can actually go in and ask for the ballot of your choice if you’re registered independent like I am. So I asked for the Republican ballot. I knew Hillary would win Massachusetts by plenty, but I thought that McCain might have a chance to upset Romney if enough smart people voted his way. I was wrong, but overall, I’m encouraged by the Republican race. After a few more primaries, perhaps McCain will have it wrapped up.

Things are a little more interesting on the Democratic side. Delegate-wise, Clinton and Obama are basically neck and neck, but Clinton’s campaign is bleeding funds while Obama is raising money by the truckload.

The only decision I’ll have to make in the general election is if it’s McCain going against Obama. I trust McCain; I don’t quite trust Obama, but my opinion can be swayed. If it’s McCain going against Clinton, McCain’s got my vote. If it’s any other Republican nominee, then I’m voting Democratic. McCain is the only Republican that, in my opinion, has integrity, leadership skills, good ideas, and the work ethic to get it done.

I would have a lot more respect for Hillary if she had dumped Bill’s ass. The man made a fool out of her in front of the entire world, and she let it go. My opinion is that she stayed with him strictly for political purposes, and that disgusts me. I cannot endorse a person who has absolutely no self-respect.

The Weekly Roundup

Cowards
Female bombers kill 72 at Baghdad pet markets
“U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the bombings underlined ‘the absolute bankruptcy and brutality’ of those who carried them out.” And she’s absolutely right. These sick bastards strapped bombs to women with Downs Syndrome and detonated them remotely. That is the most cowardly thing I have ever heard. They don’t have the balls to do it themselves so they coerce innocent people who don’t know any better. Is that honestly glorifying Allah?
(Reuters)

The Democrats
Obama criticizes Clinton for her Iraq vote
I’m worried about the Democrats this year. I haven’t yet decided if Obama has a personal agenda or not, and that scares me. I know that Hillary does have an agenda, and that’s what worries me about the Democrats. Hillary getting the nomination might be enough to force me to vote Republican again.
(MSNBC)

The Republicans
Romney's Comeback Plan Trumpets His Conservatism
The nightmare race would be Hillary against Mitt. I don’t know what I’d do then. Possibly move to Mexico. Trust me here, people, DO NOT VOTE FOR MITT ROMNEY!
(Wall Street Journal)

Yahoogates
Microsoft Offers to Buy Yahoo for $44.6 Billion
Version 105.66429 of Bill Gates’ plan to take over the world.
(Bloomberg)

Gross
Double Dipping... Yeah, It's Really That Bad
So just get the single-scoop Tostitos if you’re going to try your hand at my world-famous garbage dip for either Bacchus or the Super Bowl (recipe below).
(FOX)

I Knew It Was The Saints’ Fault
Diehard Sports Fans Face Heart Risk
Do yourself a favor—go to the zoo or something this Sunday.
(New York Times)

Bull
Merrill Lynch accused of fraud
I think the fact that they have agreed on a settlement pretty much admits wrongdoing, right? Maybe the company didn’t set out to defraud these people, but at least the fund managers did.
(BusinessWeek)

Spyfizzle
Spy scandal has not tainted Patriots' season says Goddell
Alright everybody, let’s get over it. We all know in our hearts that my adopted team did nothing that every other team hasn’t done themselves. The difference? The Pats got caught and they have to answer for it. Arlen Specter can jump straight up my ass. The Eagles are a dirty team, anyway.
(Guardian Unlimited)

Doin’ The Mambo
On the scene: Packed Bourbon prepares for parades
The good times are rolling in my hometown this weekend and early next week. One of these years I’ll make it back down for the celebration. Have fun everybody!
(Times-Picayune)

Garbage Dip
This is a dip that Shareen’s friend ‘Dre taught me how to make when we were all hanging out at their house one night. Over the years I’ve modified it to my liking and I’m sure you will, too. I made it one Super Bowl and it was such a hit that it’s become my Super Bowl tradition. Enjoy!

Garbage dip is never made the same way twice, nor is it ever the same color twice lol! Brown about a pound and a half (1½ pounds) of ground beef with one (1) small chopped yellow onion, one (1) bell pepper, about one-half (1/2) tablespoon of cayenne pepper (oh, hell, just put the whole tablespoon in there), and a couple (2 or so) dashes of cumin. In a large, microwave-safe bowl, mix one pound (16 ounces) of Velveeta (cut into cubes), about half (1/2) of a medium sized jar of Pace or Taco Bell medium salsa (oh, hell, put like ¾ of the jar; and use mild or hot if you’d rather; I like medium because it has just the right bite for my taste with the cayenne pepper), and the browned ground beef mixture. Stick the whole kit ‘n caboodle into the microwave and turn it on high for about 5 minutes or so. Check it every now and then because every microwave is different. Make sure the Velveeta is completely melted. Stir it all around. The color will range anywhere from yellowish to reddish to pinkish, depending on how much of what you’ve used. Just go with it. Serve with Tostitos.

Groan
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

WTF?

Bill proposes cellphone restrictions in cars
House to debate hand-devices ban
The Boston Globe
By Matt Viser and Erin Ailworth
January 14, 2008

Txt to: Brandy
Txt fr: Mindy
“OMG! My bff beth jus tol me tj’s in luuuuuuv w/you!!
<333
U go gurl!!!!!!”

If you can interpret the above message, then you know that Mindy wants Brandy to know that Mindy’s best friend forever, Beth, has conveyed the message to Mindy that some (presumably) boy named T.J. is in love with Brandy.

This might be good news. Brandy might have been pursuing T.J. for some time, or there might have been flirtation going on between T.J. and Brandy that T.J. has finally articulated. Brandy might be in love with Bobby and this pursuit by T.J. might be just the thing to get Bobby to wake up. Brandy and T.J. might have been in a relationship previously and Brandy is bummed about the breakup. Or this might not be such good news. Maybe Brandy hates T.J. and does not want him pursuing her and Mindy is just a bitch rubbing it in.

Whatever the story might be, is there anyone who thinks that it is absolutely imperative that Brandy have this information right now? If Mindy is just sitting around her house doing unimportant things like homework or something equally tedious, I have no problem with her texting Brandy. But if Mindy is driving around in her car, I have big problems with her operating her text phone.

If you’re not familiar with text messaging, let me tell you about it. You use the number buttons on your cell phone to spell out your message. For example, if you want to type “cat,” you have to hit the “2” button three times for “c” then hit the “2” button one time for “a” then hit the “8” button one time for “t.” In other words, it’s exactly the type of thing you should not be doing while you’re driving.

Now, the Massachusetts legislature is considering a bill that would ban text messaging while driving. A few other states have already passes such measures. This seems absurd to me. This is not something that should be legislated. This is something that should be IRRELEVANT. There should be no problems with people text messaging while driving. It shouldn’t even hit the legislature’s radar screen.

But there it is. Why can’t people evaluate these kinds of situations for themselves and realize that what they are doing, or want to do, is critically dangerous? How is it that people don’t realize that when you’re driving, your primary activity should be driving?

I define “primary activity” as the situation that, at any given moment, is utilizing the largest percentage of your intellect and senses. When I am driving, I am touching the steering wheel, pedal, and brake; I am listening to the sounds that my vehicle and the vehicles around me are making; and I am watching the car in front of me, the car in front of that one, etc., the landscape in front of me, and each of my mirrors. That’s 3/5 of my senses that I am using. And while I might be thinking about the appointment I’m going to, the work I have to do at the office, or the chores I left behind, my basic brain function is devoted to the successful completion of my trip and the thousands of details that go into driving my vehicle from one point to another.

Therefore, when I’m driving, driving is my primary activity. When I’m sitting at my desk, work is my primary activity. When I’m in a theater, the show that I’m watching is my primary activity. When I’m operating the snow blower, that is my primary activity. There isn’t always a primary activity going on, but when there is, it is important that you be primarily focused on it, especially when people’s lives are involved.

When you are text messaging, not only your hand, but also your eyes, need to be focused on your cell phone screen, and therefore not positioned on the steering wheel and focused on the road. Talking on a cell phone while driving is a different matter. Some people can handle it, many more can’t. Every time now someone cuts me off, or stops short, or veers into another lane, or is driving unusually and unnecessarily slowly, or is driving stupidly in any way, you can bet that the driver is on a cell phone. At least, that has been my experience for quite awhile now.

I don’t get the whole need that some people have to be on their cell phones while driving. I rarely answer the phone while I’m driving; the only time I do is if I’m sitting at a red light or stuck in traffic, or if I’m on a long trip and on a relatively quiet stretch of highway. If I have to make a call, I wait until I’ve arrived at my destination to do so. There is no conversation that I have to have that is so important that it can’t wait. And I can’t imagine what all these people driving around are talking about. There is nothing that can’t wait a little while until you’re able to put all your attention to your conversation, unless maybe you’re a neurosurgeon and you have to talk through a procedure with someone who’s like stuck in the woods with someone who is going to die if the person doesn’t perform the procedure right there and then. But even if that was the case, don’t you think that would be a very good reason to pull the car over, stop driving for awhile, and concentrate on talking the person through it? Okay, maybe the surgeon is en route to another emergency where someone is going to die. I’ll admit that there are very limited cases in which it is critical for someone to be talking on the phone and driving at the same time.

The rest of us, though, should let common sense, and not legislation, be our guide. Wait to text message til you stop driving, and only talk to someone on the phone if it is absolutely critical. I know I’m asking a lot.

2008 So Far

Geaux Tigers!
I hope everyone’s having a good new year. Mine’s going well, and it’s gotten even better now that LSU has won the national championship against Ohio State!!

The New Years story—Friday
Like I said, we went to Ohio to visit Dev for New Year’s and that was a lot of fun. Bill and I bought each other a GPS for Christmas and nobody around here was up for planning anything, and Dev was all for it, so we just said “why not?” We left Friday night, drove halfway and spent the night in Mifflinville, Pennsylvania. Well, not really the night. Bill drove until he got tired and we stopped around 2 in the morning, then got up at 7 to hit the road again at 8. We got to Dev’s around 1:00 on Saturday afternoon.

The New Years story—Saturday
Dev announced that he was going to the Youngstown Steelhounds hockey game that night, and normally, Bill and I would have been right along there with him. But that happened to be the same night the Patriots were playing the Giants to go undefeated for the season so no way were we missing that one! We went to eat at Tokyo House, a great little Japanese restaurant where Dev knows the owner/chef, Ken.

The Tokyo House is great, although Bill’s not too wild about it. Ken talks a lot while he’s cooking the food in front of you. The first time I went was one time with Dev when Bill wasn’t with us. When Ken found out I was from New Orleans, he told me a heartbreaking story about several members of his family that were victims of a vicious crime at their restaurant on Bullard, the Kim Anh. As he was telling the story, I remembered the story. It was the Murdering Cop Bitch Antoinette Frank who shot her partner, who was working a detail at the restaurant, and two of the four siblings who were working at the restaurant that night. Everyone who was living in New Orleans in 1995 has to remember this; it was all over the news and shocked even murder capital New Orleans that a cop could shoot her own partner, Ronald Williams. Anyhow, the Vu family owned and ran the restaurant, and Ha and Cuong Vu were murdered along with Williams. The Vu’s are Ken’s extended family. That conversation definitely brought back memories of the news reports. I actually met Ronald Williams’ widow a couple of years after the murders. She was a pleasant person but you could tell still very troubled. I hope she and the Vu family have found peace. Ms. Frank is on death row in Louisiana. I hope she rots in hell.

The New Years story—Sunday
So we went there for dinner then dropped Dev off at the game because he could get a ride back home. Bill and I went back to Dev’s and watched the heart-stopping game that gave the Patriots the first 16-0 record in NFL history. Then the next day we went shopping for Jessi’s birthday present but couldn’t find the kind of shoes she wanted so we ended up giving her money to buy them with lol! I got totally screwed trying to watch the Saints game on the computer through the DirecTV thing. Since the account is located in Stoneham, and the Saints game was the game being broadcast on local TV in Stoneham, I couldn’t watch the game on my laptop in Boardman, Ohio! Unfortunately, the broadcast game in Boardman, Ohio was the Browns-49ers game. Yeah, like that game even mattered. But, the Saints lost anyway so I ended up not being too upset.

We went to a barbecue place called Smokey Bones near Dev’s house for dinner Sunday night. It was good. Dev and Bill both got the full racks of ribs with the brown sugar sauce and I got a combo pulled pork and ½ rack of ribs with the regular sauce. I loved the pulled pork and didn’t think too much of the ribs, although Dev and Bill both praised the brown sugar ribs. I should have gotten that, or gotten a full plate of the pulled pork and not even done ribs.

The New Years story—Monday
Monday, Bill & I slept in while Dev went to work. He came home mid-day and we went to Bob Evans for lunch. Bill’s a big fan of the turkey dinner at Bob Evans. It is a good place, and we only get to go there in Ohio since there are none in Massachusetts. After lunch we farted around for awhile and then took off around 7 to pick up Kathy and head to Steamer’s Stonewall Tavern, a great little restaurant where Kathy knows the owners. We’ve been there a few times with them and they had a new year’s eve party with a DJ and all. We had 8:00 dinner reservations and then we just kept our table for the rest of the night. We ate, we danced, we drank, we celebrated. We met a lady named Ro and danced with her and Kathy for awhile. Ro was a big kick. Even Dev was in a good mood!

Bill got some pictures so I’ll post them as soon as I can get the camera from him and upload them.

The New Years story—Tuesday
Tuesday we drove home. 10 hours. It’s a nice drive through the mountains in Pennsylvania, but jeez!

Groan
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a good one. We were in Ohio visiting Dev and had a great time at Steamer's.

Let's make 2008 the best ever!

Lights...Camera...Christmas!

Here are some photos from our annual drive to look at Christmas lights.







This guy really goes all out:







This place is like a mansion:





Here is the tree in the Stoneham town square. Bill made us park and get out. We had to walk all the way across the square in squishy snow. My shoes were soaked!



Here is the band gazebo in the Stoneham town square, with the town hall behind it:



Here is me waving at you from the band gazebo:

Merry Christmas!!!

The Weekly Roundup

First up tonight, a little self-deprecating humor:

And now, on to more serious topics:

Next, Please
Gates warns of Al Qaeda shift
They’re getting bored of terrorizing the same boring old Afgahnis and have now turned their attention to the chaos that is Pakistan. They're working their way across the middle east while we're all focused on Iraq.
(Los Angeles Times)

Sick Joke?
Giuliani keen to fight back after reverses
Is it just me, or is Rudy Giuliani’s campaign becoming a joke? Scandals, corruption, and now illness. And this has been a good week! Take three aspirin, get some new campaign advisors, and call me in the morning.
(Financial Times)

Want To Know Why This Man Is Smiling?
Goldman Awards Blankfein a Record $67.9 Million Bonus
Disappointed with your year-end bonus? You obviously haven’t screwed enough middle class home-mortgage holders out of their hard earned money. Mark this under “room for improvement” on your 2007 performance review.
(Bloomberg)

This Can’t Be Good
North Korean Tubes Found to Be Contaminated With Uranium Traces
They claim that they’ve never had an enriched uranium program, and after this, they got some “’splainin’” to do? We need to send these US arms control officers to better schools so they learn how to talk good. But then, if North Korea has the bomb, it won’t matter for too much longer, now will it?
(FOX)

You Take My Wife…Please!
Save the World: Elect My Wife
Let’s see, this republic has survived Martin Van Buren, John Tyler, James K. Polk, James Buchanan, Warren G. Harding, Herbert Hoover, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and, most recently, at least seven years of George W. Bush, yet the whole thing will go to pieces if we don’t elect Hillary??? Bill, Bill, Bill. You’re so transparent. If there is anyone out there who doesn’t know exactly why Mr. Clinton wants his wife to win the White House, let me know, and I'll "'splain'" it to ya!
(Washington Post)

Falling Down
UNANIMOUS
The New Orleans City Council voted to demolish upwards of 4,500 project units amid much protest. What they are protesting I really can’t fathom. The buildings sat in feet and feet of muck and guck for weeks and are condemned, people! New Orleans absolutely cannot support people who do nothing but sponge off the government (read: other people’s money). New Orleans needs to build infrastructure to support people who are coming to work and help in the rebuilding. My friend Mark wrote a great letter to the New York Times about this issue. Let me know if you want to read it and I’ll send it to you.
(Times-Picayune)

Flaming Wood
Fire damages Cheney's ceremonial offices near White House
There’s this scene in The West Wing where Josh and Sam set off the smoke alarms trying to light a fire in the Mural Room fireplace. The president is trying to get a precious few hours’ sleep, but of course has to be awoken. Charlie calls him and says, “Mr. President, you know how you told me not to wake you unless the building was on fire…?”
(Boston Globe)

Hurling Rock
Big asteroid on collision course with Mars
Those little green men better get themselves underground, pretty quick.
(TG Daily)

Papelbon’s Pesky Pooch
Jonathan Papelbon's dog takes a bite of World Series history
Get real now, Jonny: Your third grade math teacher didn’t buy it, and I’m not buying it either.
(The Canadian Press)

Unplanned Parenthood
Spears' Baby Daddy Reportedly Ready to Settle Down
The uproar over Jamie Lynn Spears and her pregnancy is puzzling to me. Don’t people realize that 16 year olds get pregnant every day in this country? Wake up people! Why do we care so much about THIS pregnancy? Think about it.
(ABC News)

Groan
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Going Back

I’ve been a bit distracted lately and never got to write about my trip home. It was a nice week and I got to see everybody so I had a good time.

Golden Anniversary
Happy anniversary to Bridge House. The 50th anniversary dinner was held the night that I arrived at the Tea Room at the Audubon Zoo. It was nice; the food was good; I got to catch up with all of my friends; and I got to meet John Larroquette, who was the guest speaker.

I usually couldn’t care less about meeting celebrities, but I was happy to meet John. I’ve been a fan of his since his Night Court days, and I’m a big fan of Boston Legal and I like his new character on there. He is exactly as you would imagine him in person: dry, quick wit, personable, intelligent, and very open. He was quite candid as he described his years of alcohol and drug abuse. Once, he was in L.A., stumbling down the street, and he blacked out. The next thing he remembers is being in New Orleans. He doesn’t remember deciding to go to New Orleans, going to the airport, buying a ticket, or flying. He almost lost his family and a budding career, but one night he was sitting with a friend about to snort some cocaine and he thought, “What the hell am I doing?” He excused himself, got up, went home to his wife, and has never looked back. God bless him. He was quite an inspiration to all of us there, and particularly to the clients of Bridge House who are working towards recovery.

Bub, Merry, John, and me

Party Time
On Sunday I went over to the Clements for Matty and Rachel’s birthday party. With the threat of bad weather, Brian and Becca decided to cancel the big Jupiter jump thing and move the party to this indoor jump place at the mall. But before the party a bunch of us met at their house to watch the Saints game. I got to take a picture with the kids. Isn’t Rachel’s Saints cheerleader outfit the cutest thing you ever saw in your life?

Jake, Matt, me, Rachel & Karl

The party was fun but the place was run by a bunch of high school students who aren’t very conscientious about their jobs, but at least the kids had fun, so that was nice.

Paying Up
Since I called him out in my blog, I feel that I should let you know that Mark is definitely a man of principle. He took me to Lakeview Harbor, a place that has the same kind of burgers as Port of Call, and paid off his bet. Now, I get to call him out a second time! Mark, your pathetic little team lost again, and I expect my second burger of the 2007 season when I visit in January. Sorry.

Me, Sandy & Mark

Visiting
I also visited with Tommy, Chanel, Dan & Karen and the girls, Jeanie, and of course Mom, Ka, Robby and Mike. I got some Mexican food while I was there. I took my nephew Zach and niece Erin out for dinner and they wanted to go to a Mexican place near their house. That was good because I rarely get Mexican food at home; Bill isn’t a big fan.

Me, Zach, & Erin

Culmination
Friday night, the night before I was leaving, was Bubby’s birthday so of course we had to celebrate. We all got together and went to Drago’s for some good oysters and good food. We all had a blast, and I’m sure Bubby would have had a great time if he would have been there. Unfortunately, Bub decided to go to Disney World the week after Thanksgiving so he had to miss his celebratory birthday dinner. Oh, well. We had fun celebrating his birthday anyhow, and I was able to take over his condo for the week and have a nice quiet place to stay for free!

Jakie riding his bike

Karl riding his bike

Matty riding his bike

I’ve got a great group of friends and it was nice to go out and relax with all of them on my last night in town. I got to the Clements a bit early and was able to hang out with the kids before they left for their babysitters.

So, all in all, a great trip.

The Krewe at Drago's

Rosie, Flea, Brad, Christie, Brian, Becca, Wendy, me, Walter (Nekkid Foot)

Groan
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Shopping
If you’ve known me for awhile, you’re not going to believe this, but I’m finished with my Christmas shopping! Unbelievable, isn’t it? But it’s not all motivation; the internet helped a lot this year. It’s so easy to buy online; it’s a godsend for procrastinators like me!

Sean's Message

This is from the Facebook group RIP Sean O'Hara. Sean and I talked about all of this and his feelings of being put here for a purpose, etc. when he visited me in August. Not only was he smart and loving and strong and charming, he was also very in touch with his spiritual side.

Read Sean's thoughts. I hope that some of you out there can find meaning in his words. I've posted it exactly as it is posted on the group, which I believe is how he originally posted it.

Quoted from RIP Sean O'Hara:

Sean O'Hara passed away on Dec. 2, 2007. He is loved and missed greatly. He would've done anything for his friends and family, and he loved life and lived it to the fullest.

We sleep knowing he is in Heaven and we'll see him again one day.

Note posted by Sean O’Hara
8:44 PM, Monday October 2, 2006
I WROTE THIS ONE MORNING
it's 3:30 in the morning right now and i have this feeling that i have so often.... i love the Lord and he is filling my body and soul and heart and mind with something that cant even be put into words...i was born on july 7, 1986... the perfect date to turn 21 on 07-07-07... in the bible that is stated as being the number of holiness... or God's number... weird i know... but get this... i was born on strange circumstances... i was born exactly 9 months to the day after my brother... my brother that died shortly after he was born of sids(sudden infant death syndrome) he stopped breathing in his sleep... to this day my mother tells me that she can't for the life of her remember getting intimate with my father in the period of they wouldve had to for me to be conceived and born on the day in which i was... spooky... then after that i was born with a disease in my stomach... i couldnt hold food and the doctors couldnt fix it... the acids in my stomach was too strong to allow my body to digest anything... even water... the doctor said that he would be surprised if i lived past a month... but im here typing right now... and im here with a message... God loves YOU... im not sure what greatness he has waiting on me... it may be a shadow in your eyes but to me and hopefully many others its a ray of sunlight in such a dark world... i hope this message is read by many because i want everyone to know that there is someone out there that will help you and be there for you and care if you make it through your trials and tribulations... if you dont believe that God is there then believe that i'm here... im here through his grace and if you need it... just ask someone... its a great feeling to have, you're loved... for no reason... so take this message and do what you will with it... but know i sent it with a purpose and that was to help someone out.

Out of Order

Cycles
Life is a series of cycles. You are born into a family and a world with everyone being older than you. When you’re young, that’s all you know. These people. People you didn’t ask for, people that you would probably never know except that you were randomly thrown in with them. People who bear you, love you, mentor you, mold you. They make you into the kind of person that you turn out to be.

Pretty soon, the cycles start. You go to school in the fall. You go on vacation in the summer. Maybe you join sports, dance ballet, play an instrument, become a Scout. Whether you do one or all of these, they all involve cycles (championships, recitals, camping trips, etc.). Then you grow up some more, and high school becomes another cycle. You hit puberty, start becoming the adult that you will one day grow into, make meaningful friendships, have your first relationships, start doing grown up type things like dances, parties, competitions, etc. High school is a never-ending series of cycles.

Then you graduate high school and go to college, trade school, or to work. You spend a few years trying to find yourself, being wild, then coupling up, settling down, and hopefully figure everything out to have a happy life.

At some point along this timeline, earlier for some than for others, you notice another cycle. The people that were around when you were born, well, they’re not going to be around forever. People die. It’s a fact of life that you have to accept whether you want to or not.

Wait Your Turn
Finally you realize that you’re powerless over this fact and start to come to terms with the fact that by the time it’s your time, your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, all of their friends, and some of your cousins and siblings will be gone. It’s the way it should be, the “circle of life” (with apologies to Elton John and Tim Rice) if you will.

But as these people begin to drop off, something else happens. They are replaced by other people. Younger people. Nieces, nephews, the children of friends, our own children. Younger cousins and friends. They’ll all be around until we’re gone, so there will be someone around to mourn for us.

Curve Ball
Every one in awhile, though, life throws you a curve ball that completely throws the cycle off track. You don’t expect someone born 17 years after you to be gone before you, especially when that person is only 21.

Early Monday morning I got a call that has devastated my life. My precious nephew Sean is dead at the age of only 21. He was a student at Ole Miss, and his girlfriend went to his apartment and found him lying on his bed unconscious. They were unable to revive him.

An autopsy was performed, but I don’t know the results yet. I guess I will find out in Memphis at the services.

Changing Roles
Relationships have cycles, similar to life itself. When Sean was a kid, I was basically his uncle, spending time playing with him, taking care of him, giving him advice about things, occasionally disciplining him. I loved him from the very first time I held him in my arms, a familial love, a protective love. I wanted to make sure that no one or nothing ever harmed my little Seaner, and that he would grow up to be a healthy, happy, prosperous individual.

Time marches on, though, and before you know it I’m looking up at this “kid” who’s got a good 2 inches on me, and he’s telling me that he’s starting Ole Miss, and we’re actually discussing politics, religion, relationships, feelings, adult stuff. I actually had a mature adult friendship with my 21-year old nephew. It was great.

Confidential to Sean
My dearest Sean, my heart is broken. I enjoyed being your uncle when you were a kid almost as much as I enjoyed being your friend as an adult. Thank you for visiting me in Boston over the summer. I will forever cherish our times together lounging and grilling by the backyard pool, eating in the North End, drinking at the Bull & Finch, channeling our inner children at Six Flags and especially going together to the Red Sox game. Just remembering the smile on your face the entire time we were in Fenway Park gives me a moment of joy even in this time of devastation.

You grew into a fine young man whom I not only loved dearly but also admired greatly. I will remember you always. Kiss Paw Paw and James Michael in heaven for me.

Love always, til again we meet,
Uncle Dennis

Tis The Season

Here are some photos of our Thanksgiving exploits.



Bill and Michael hard at work on the stuffing.

They do three kinds: meat stuffing, Portuguese stuffing, and Italian stuffing. The meat stuffing is by far the most popular. It is very tasty and almost a meal in itself.


Jessica posing with the Fortissimo wine. It is a very good breakfast wine!


Bill is enjoying his breakfast wine.


Michael taking a break from cooking.


Mikey about to enjoy some meat stuffing. If he looks a little pale and red-eyed, it's only because some guy named "Yurksis" had a party the night before and Mikey hadn't fully recovered yet. hehe!


The meat stuffing.


Jess and Sarah posing with the breakfast wine as Michael pours himself a little taste.


Michael and Dev discussing some important Thanksgiving topics.


Me with my breakfast wine (note I'm drinking out of a Red Sox lager glass)


The stuffing on the stove (yum!)


Matt enjoying some stuffing (yes, he went to the "Yurksis" party too)

Later, that same day...

Bill loves those yams.


Our spread



The rest of our spread.

It was an excellent Thanksgiving. And if you thought you noticed our dining room windows open, it's because they were. It got into the upper 60s on Thanksgiving Day in Stoneham, and with the oven and the burners going it got very hot in the house.

We had a great meal, great to have Dev as has become our Thanksgiving tradition, and great to spend the day with Bill's family whom I consider to be my family also.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

It was great today to look out the window and see this. It’s not much, but it is snow, and that’s a good thing! I always thought that it had to be freezing to snow, but apparently not. It never got below freezing today; that must be why the snow didn’t stick. It’s not piled up, and there’s no need for the plows.

I did have to go out driving in it to pick up a few final things for Thanksgiving. Bill & I went shopping last night and got most everything for the dinner, the turkey, ingredients for the stuffing, side dish stuff, wine, and everything else. But we didn’t get ground beef for the stuffing because it was wicked expensive, and Bill forgot bananas, and we didn’t get egg nog, and we needed another can of cut green beans for the casserole, so I went out to Foodmaster today, then over to Bill’s store to drop off the ground beef.

Gratitude
So here’s what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I’m working ½ day then going to pick up Dev from the airport around 7. We’ll head over to Bill’s brother Michael’s house after where Bill and Michael will be cooking three different kinds of stuffing. They make some great stuffing. We’ll also be drinking a jug of Fortissimo wine. Nothing but the best for Thanksgiving!

Thursday morning we’ll wake up and go over to Bill’s other brother Frank’s house for some pre-partying. Frank and his wife Anne have a big dinner with a bunch of family, and we stop by for some appetizers and cocktails. Then we’ll head over to Michael’s for more Fortissimo and stuffing, then head back to the house in the afternoon for our Thanksgiving feast. Frank and his family and Michael and his family always say that we are welcome to their dinners, but we like doing our thing, especially with Dev over, we enjoy having our own little dinner. We let everyone know that we have tons of food, so they are all welcome to come over for a second Thanksgiving dinner. They eat earlier in the day and our feast isn’t ready until around 5. Last year Bill’s nephew Matt came by “just to hang” because he was full from dinner, so he only had two platefulls of food. I guess if he were hungry he would have had five plates of food!! We’ll see who makes it over this year for the post-feast feast.

Friday Bill will have to work at the store so Dev and I will do Lord knows what, then head into Cambridge later in the day to meet an old high school friend of mine for drinks. That will be nice.

Flight Plan
Saturday I’ll get up early and head to the airport to spend a week in New Orleans. I promised my godson that I would be in town for his birthday party so I’m keeping my promise. His party is Sunday, and there’s a 50th anniversary dinner for Bridge House on Saturday night, so hopefully there will be no delays getting to New Orleans. I’ll get to see Mom and Ka and my friends while I’m in town, so I’m looking forward to the trip.

Etc.
Our annual Christmas bash is set for December 8th, and it’s looking to be a good one! If you’re in the Boston area then, stop on by.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Weekly Roundup

Counting Beans
US Congress Begins Break Amid Funding Battles
They’re all going home to their families to celebrate a solemn occasion of thanks and to reflect how fortunate we all are to be Americans, then they’ll be back to gut-punching each other over whose district gets more pork than the others.
(VOA News)

Gas Blues
OPEC Gathering Finds High Oil Prices More Worrisome Than Welcome
So who exactly DOES benefit when oil prices are high? And if the answer is, “no one,” then let’s bring ‘em down!
(New York Times)

The Friendly Skies
US military airspace opened to ease Thanksgiving traffic jam
I’ll admit that there are very few times I’m loving my president, but if this gets me to New Orleans next Saturday with less of a headache than I’m anticipating, maybe a positive Bush thought might float through my head for a minute or so.
(MSNBC)

Tree Terror
Worst Forest Disaster in U.S. History
Another effect of Katrina that I never imagined, the fact that over 320 million trees have fallen and are releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere almost double that of what is absorbed in a year will actually fuel future weather events.
(ABC News)

Get That Cough Away From Me
Ten Die From New Cold Virus Strain in US
As if there isn’t enough to worry about during cold and flu season.
(ScienceMode)

Jailhouse Confession
Lohan does 84 minutes in jail
This might seem like a miscarriage of justice, but Lindsay found God while behind bars, completed prison education programs, became a mentor for younger inmates, and got some cool prison tats!
(Los Angeles Times)

Demolition Men

So what happened was, the ceiling fell down.


Yep, I know, ceilings aren't supposed to fall down, but there it was. Thursday night, Bill asks me if I'd seen the porch. When I replied that I hadn't seen anything unusual, he took me out there to show me what happened. We'd had some rain earlier in the week and apparently, the roof is leaking and it soaked the insulation, then it all came crashing down.


We've never been sure what we're doing to this room anyway. We've talked about building a deck there ever since I moved here two years ago, and this room just kind of hanging off the back of the house has been a part of it that we weren't sure of.


There was a lot of crap stored back there that we moved into the garage or into the house, then today Bill's nephew Mikey and brother Michael came over to help us tear down all the ceiling and the walls. Now Bill just has to figure out what the hell we're going to do, if the whole thing is going to come down or if we're going to keep the room there in some form or another. It's just so tough to get these Muolos to formulate a plan and stick to it.

Anyhow, here's the room after we got done with it:

The Weekly Roundup

Let Freedom Ring
Pakistani Leader Blocks Protests, Creating Impasse
Democracy is fine as long as everybody does what I say. Hmm. Let’s call this one “The GW Bush Theory of Government.”
(New York Times)

What a Drip
Mukasey Confirmed as Bush's Third Attorney General
He doesn’t know if waterboarding is torture or not. I have a suggestion. Let’s subject him to the procedure, then afterwards he can let us know what he thinks. This was probably just a case of total dispassion on the part of the Senate. The guy’s only going to serve 15 months, at most, and if they hadn’t confirmed him, Bush would just have appointed him “interim” and that would be that.
(Bloomberg)

Black Birds
Skimmers at work removing oil from bay and ocean
One of the drawbacks of these wonderful combustion engines that are in all of our cars is that they need oil. And, occasionally, oil turns our waterways into wasteways. Trash the oil companies if you want, but then I’d better see you riding your bike to work tomorrow.
(San Francisco Chronicle)

Checks and Balances
US Congress Overrides Bush Veto For the First Time
It’s about time someone showed this guy who’s in charge. He’s been denying the gulf south money for coastal repairs for far too long. What does he think is going to happen? Everyone will just keep moving north until we’re all living in the Dakotas?
(VOA News)

I Hate When This Happens
Fall Into Wood Chipper Kills Tree Trimmer
Ouch!
(CBS News)

A Bunch of Bull
Energy Drinks Linked To Heart Risk, Study
Well, I guess I’d better stay away from these things.
(Medical News Today)

Funny Beads
500,000 Chinese-made toys recalled over date-rape drug link
Teasing toddler been making eyes at you and not following through? Just play Bindeez with them!
(Guardian Unlimited)

My Stars!
Cosmic 'Bullets' Traced To Supermassive Black Holes
Space has always been a mystery, but it’s interesting to read when they discover new information about what’s out there. One day, I’d love to find somebody who can explain what all this means in plain English.
(FOX News)

Orwell Would Be Proud
Whistleblower: AT&T Maintained a 'Secret Room' for the NSA
Think about who might be watching next time you’re browsing the galleries at bustybabesdohorsehungstuds.com
(BetaNews)

Fanatic
Conan's "Most Dangerous Fan" Found Fit for Trial
This priest’s last assignment was at St. Patrick’s here in Stoneham where I live, and Bill actually knows him. Weird, huh? Who’d want to stalk Conan O’Brien? Jay Leno I could understand…
(E! News)