I still don't know whom I'm voting for.
My Republican friends look at me like I'm crazy and say, "What are you, crazy? It HAS to be McCain." Of course, they would vote for Hitler were he running under the Republican ticket (and still alive, of course, although that might not matter to some).
My Democratic friends look at me like I'm crazy and say, "What are you, crazy? It HAS to be Obama." Of course, they would vote for Hitler were he running under the Democratic ticket (and still alive, of course, although that might not matter to some).
Me, I like to study the proposals of each candidate, hear what they have to say about themselves, hear what they have to say about each other, determine who has the best ideas, is more enlightened, more curious, more adaptable. Everybody else likes to be spoon-fed. I refuse to be spoon-fed.
So, a week from yesterday, it will be time for the sheep to line up again and go to their respective sides of the pen. Red sheep on the right, blue sheep on the left, and all those shades of gray, well just mill about until you end up on one side or the other.
Obama and McCain. The best our country could come up with? Absolutely not. Just the two most willing and best at playing the game. It's all fun and games until something happens. Until then, how the hell do we know?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Friendly Skies
[BUMP]
It was a pretty good week in New Orleans. Delta once again came through and got me there and home again quite comfortably and with no delays. Right now I’m on my flight from Atlanta back to Boston, and I really have no complaints.
[BUMP]
I used to be a pretty big critic of airline travel. It just seems that they take your money and then treat you like common cattle, only stupider. Stand in line to check in. Follow the procedure or get pushed aside while they deal with people who know what’s going on. Stand in line to check your bag. God himself can’t help you if your bag’s over the weight limit.
[BUMP]
Stand in line to go through security. Remove your belt. Remove your shoes. Put everything on the conveyor. No, no, no. Remove your laptop from the case and put it in a separate bin. Still got your watch on? What kind of idiot are you? Please step back through the detector, remove your watch, you moron, place it in the bin, and step through again. Okay. Obviously, you’re nowhere near intelligent enough to carry out a terrorist plot, so go ahead.
[BUMP]
Okay, at the gate. You’re at A1. But your flight takes off from K88. I don’t care that your ticket, the counter agents, and the flight information board all say that your flight takes off from A1, sir. Please walk back out of the security checkpoint and through the airport to Terminal K, conveniently located only two zip codes away, go back through security, and report to Gate K88. You’ve got 6 minutes, you’ll be fine.
[BUMP]
Red-faced, panting, down 3 quarts of sweat, at K88. Ready to board, got myself an aisle seat, 18C! Right? Well, no sir, we should have closed the flight 4 minutes ago but we didn’t because the co-pilot just arrived from his weekend in South Beach. He hasn’t even been to bed yet, haha! But as soon as he washes the banana daiquiri stain from the collar of his uniform shirt, we’ll be on our way.
[BUMP]
In the meantime, sir, we had to give your seat away to one of our stand-by’s, a college student named Joe who’s been waiting here for three days to go visit his mother in prison. Poor kid hasn’t even had a bath much less a meal. But we still have availability for you in Row 75, Seat E, right in between a semi-professional bodybuilder with a 47" lat spread and a rather plump woman on her way to a weight loss camp. Hurry aboard.
[BUMP]
Board plane, inexplicably lose balance and slam into seat 18C, smile evilly to passengers 18A&B who have suddenly noticed a strange smell, proceed to cargo area, apologize to sequoia tree on legs while maneuvering into seat.
[BUMP]
So again, here I am on my flight back to Boston, enjoying a $3 bag of trail mix consisting of approximately 4 peanuts, 3 dried up pieces of what used to be imitation cranberry or raspberry plastics (no one’s really sure) and some crushed chocolate substance, and drinking my ginger ale and like I said everything’s really okay
[BUMP]
GODDAMMIT WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THAT CHILD UP? OR AT LEAST PREVENT HER FROM KICKING THE BACK OF MY HEAD EVERY TWO MINUTES?
The bodybuilder and the plump lady shift in their seats, each giving me back a good inch of my seat space, looking at me with respect anew. The male flight attendant named Sunshine (yeah) is asking if there’s anything I need. I need a new bag of trail mix, thank you very much. As he walks away, eager to please me, I just know…
They’re not going to skimp on the plastic berries this time.
Life is good.
It was a pretty good week in New Orleans. Delta once again came through and got me there and home again quite comfortably and with no delays. Right now I’m on my flight from Atlanta back to Boston, and I really have no complaints.
[BUMP]
I used to be a pretty big critic of airline travel. It just seems that they take your money and then treat you like common cattle, only stupider. Stand in line to check in. Follow the procedure or get pushed aside while they deal with people who know what’s going on. Stand in line to check your bag. God himself can’t help you if your bag’s over the weight limit.
[BUMP]
Stand in line to go through security. Remove your belt. Remove your shoes. Put everything on the conveyor. No, no, no. Remove your laptop from the case and put it in a separate bin. Still got your watch on? What kind of idiot are you? Please step back through the detector, remove your watch, you moron, place it in the bin, and step through again. Okay. Obviously, you’re nowhere near intelligent enough to carry out a terrorist plot, so go ahead.
[BUMP]
Okay, at the gate. You’re at A1. But your flight takes off from K88. I don’t care that your ticket, the counter agents, and the flight information board all say that your flight takes off from A1, sir. Please walk back out of the security checkpoint and through the airport to Terminal K, conveniently located only two zip codes away, go back through security, and report to Gate K88. You’ve got 6 minutes, you’ll be fine.
[BUMP]
Red-faced, panting, down 3 quarts of sweat, at K88. Ready to board, got myself an aisle seat, 18C! Right? Well, no sir, we should have closed the flight 4 minutes ago but we didn’t because the co-pilot just arrived from his weekend in South Beach. He hasn’t even been to bed yet, haha! But as soon as he washes the banana daiquiri stain from the collar of his uniform shirt, we’ll be on our way.
[BUMP]
In the meantime, sir, we had to give your seat away to one of our stand-by’s, a college student named Joe who’s been waiting here for three days to go visit his mother in prison. Poor kid hasn’t even had a bath much less a meal. But we still have availability for you in Row 75, Seat E, right in between a semi-professional bodybuilder with a 47" lat spread and a rather plump woman on her way to a weight loss camp. Hurry aboard.
[BUMP]
Board plane, inexplicably lose balance and slam into seat 18C, smile evilly to passengers 18A&B who have suddenly noticed a strange smell, proceed to cargo area, apologize to sequoia tree on legs while maneuvering into seat.
[BUMP]
So again, here I am on my flight back to Boston, enjoying a $3 bag of trail mix consisting of approximately 4 peanuts, 3 dried up pieces of what used to be imitation cranberry or raspberry plastics (no one’s really sure) and some crushed chocolate substance, and drinking my ginger ale and like I said everything’s really okay
[BUMP]
GODDAMMIT WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THAT CHILD UP? OR AT LEAST PREVENT HER FROM KICKING THE BACK OF MY HEAD EVERY TWO MINUTES?
The bodybuilder and the plump lady shift in their seats, each giving me back a good inch of my seat space, looking at me with respect anew. The male flight attendant named Sunshine (yeah) is asking if there’s anything I need. I need a new bag of trail mix, thank you very much. As he walks away, eager to please me, I just know…
They’re not going to skimp on the plastic berries this time.
Life is good.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Things You Wish You Knew
Good evening everyone. My name is Mr. Useless Facts Guy. What I do is I troll the internet looking for things that are fun to know yet serve no useful purpose in your life. I do this so that when Dennis is busy with things like watching Game 5 of the ALCS and switching back and forth to the LSU/South Carolina game, I can post a blog entry for him. Enjoy!
According to Useless Facts and Statistics:
A cesium atom in an atomic clock beats 9,192,631,770 times a second
If you divide the Great Pyramid's perimeter by two times it's height, you get pi to the fifteenth digit
A piece of paper can be folded no more then 9 times
4,000 people are injured by tea pots every year
In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivelent of 5 times around the equator
Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined
There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo
The Boston University Bridge on Commonwealth Avenue is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar
Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio
It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California
According to Useless Statistics:
The average 4-year-old asks over 400 questions a day
The average adult spends about 12 minutes in the shower per day
The average person keeps old magazines for 29 weeks before they throw them out
The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day
The average person spends about 2 years on the phone in a lifetime
The average person will spend two weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic lights to change
According to My View From The Jeep:
More Monopoly money is printed yearly than real money throughout the world
People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier errors worldwide
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death
Alexander Graham Bell's wife and mother were both deaf
The "O" when used as a prefix in Irish surnames means "descendant of"
Every human breaks wind at least 15 times a day
Fish scales are an ingredient in most lipsticks
Frank Baum, the writer of "The Wizard of OZ", looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz"
About 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year
Groan
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
According to Useless Facts and Statistics:
A cesium atom in an atomic clock beats 9,192,631,770 times a second
If you divide the Great Pyramid's perimeter by two times it's height, you get pi to the fifteenth digit
A piece of paper can be folded no more then 9 times
4,000 people are injured by tea pots every year
In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivelent of 5 times around the equator
Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined
There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo
The Boston University Bridge on Commonwealth Avenue is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar
Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio
It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California
According to Useless Statistics:
The average 4-year-old asks over 400 questions a day
The average adult spends about 12 minutes in the shower per day
The average person keeps old magazines for 29 weeks before they throw them out
The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day
The average person spends about 2 years on the phone in a lifetime
The average person will spend two weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic lights to change
According to My View From The Jeep:
More Monopoly money is printed yearly than real money throughout the world
People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier errors worldwide
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death
Alexander Graham Bell's wife and mother were both deaf
The "O" when used as a prefix in Irish surnames means "descendant of"
Every human breaks wind at least 15 times a day
Fish scales are an ingredient in most lipsticks
Frank Baum, the writer of "The Wizard of OZ", looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz"
About 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year
Groan
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Don't Be N. A. Hole
Actually, you can't. That name belongs to a guy who has become my hero.
It's dangerous to do this, because it might cause me to lose my faithful readers (both of you), but tonight I'm going to suggest that you check out another blog.
I stumbled across this blog one night when I was doing a web search for something or other, I can't even remember now. I probably didn't even find what I was looking for that night because I spent the rest of the night reading the entire blog. Ever since, I have checked his blog every day to satisfy my thirst for his unique way of sharing his ideas.
Some would say he's crass. He is.
Some would say he's rude. He is.
Some would say he's profane. He is.
Some would say he makes sense. He does.
Some would say he's intelligent. He is.
Some would say he's funny. He is.
Here is how he describes himself from the "About" section of his blog.
"I'm N.A. Hole
"Listen, I don’t want to brag, but I’m an asshole. When I was born I guess that my parents were drunk or something because they called me N.A. I don’t have a name, just two fucking letters: N.A. What sucks even more than not having a name is that my last name is fucking Hole. That’s right, my name is N.A. Hole - as in an a-hole as in an asshole - and it stinks. Imagine with me if you will what it was like for me growing up - 'oh look, there goes an a-hole' 'oh my god, an a-hole asked me out for a date' etc. I think you get the fucking picture.
"For what it’s worth, I decided to start a site to see if I couldn’t put my name to some good use for all mankind. And if I can’t, well fuck it."
If you're in need of some entertainment as well as some enlightenment, check out his blog through the link below:
Ask An A-Hole
Etc.
The Sox pulled it off in Game 5. It certainly won't be easy from here.
Of course, the weekend I'm going to be in New Orleans, the Saints are playing a home game. IN LONDON!
The Blazer needs a new starter. Good thing I won't need it for a week.
Groan
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
It's dangerous to do this, because it might cause me to lose my faithful readers (both of you), but tonight I'm going to suggest that you check out another blog.
I stumbled across this blog one night when I was doing a web search for something or other, I can't even remember now. I probably didn't even find what I was looking for that night because I spent the rest of the night reading the entire blog. Ever since, I have checked his blog every day to satisfy my thirst for his unique way of sharing his ideas.
Some would say he's crass. He is.
Some would say he's rude. He is.
Some would say he's profane. He is.
Some would say he makes sense. He does.
Some would say he's intelligent. He is.
Some would say he's funny. He is.
Here is how he describes himself from the "About" section of his blog.
"I'm N.A. Hole
"Listen, I don’t want to brag, but I’m an asshole. When I was born I guess that my parents were drunk or something because they called me N.A. I don’t have a name, just two fucking letters: N.A. What sucks even more than not having a name is that my last name is fucking Hole. That’s right, my name is N.A. Hole - as in an a-hole as in an asshole - and it stinks. Imagine with me if you will what it was like for me growing up - 'oh look, there goes an a-hole' 'oh my god, an a-hole asked me out for a date' etc. I think you get the fucking picture.
"For what it’s worth, I decided to start a site to see if I couldn’t put my name to some good use for all mankind. And if I can’t, well fuck it."
If you're in need of some entertainment as well as some enlightenment, check out his blog through the link below:
Ask An A-Hole
Etc.
The Sox pulled it off in Game 5. It certainly won't be easy from here.
Of course, the weekend I'm going to be in New Orleans, the Saints are playing a home game. IN LONDON!
The Blazer needs a new starter. Good thing I won't need it for a week.
Groan
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
People
Drivers in need of Ed
I think I’ve done a pretty good job of not slamming Massachusetts drivers, but I’ll try to make up for it tonight.
It’s really distressing, because New Orleans isn’t at the top of most lists, but until I moved here I thought that New Orleans was at least #1 in bad drivers. But I was wrong. I was very wrong.
It’s not that drivers here are necessarily reckless or necessarily rude. Some are, but the vast majority just have no clue. And the scariest thing they have no clue about is right of way. Massachusetts drivers have no idea which car has the right of way. I’ve seen this play out in so many scenarios it’s ceased being funny. People in the right lane of the highway have no idea that they are supposed to allow cars to merge onto the highway. They tend to tailgate the car in front of them at merge points, in many cases forcing merging vehicles to drive along the shoulder until someone allows just enough room for the merging car to sneak in.
Possibly, they make up for this highway rudeness by being overly polite, or perhaps just ignorant, on city streets. I’ve actually been behind people, on more than one occasion, where we were going down a main street, we clearly had right of way over cross streets that had stop signs, and for no apparent reason, the car in front of me came to a complete stop in order to let someone at a stop sign go.
This might seem like the ultimate in politeness, but it’s actually the ultimate in stupidity, because I’ve had to slam on my brakes to avoid plowing into the back of these people. You just don’t expect the person in front of you to come to a complete stop in the middle of a main street. And it always takes longer for the person at the stop sign to realize that the idiot in front of me is not going to move until they do, than it would have taken for him and me to have driven past and given the driver a clear path to proceed.
I have not figured out if people are trying to make up for their rudeness on the highways by being overly polite on the surface streets, or if people here honestly have no clue whose right of way it is in any given situation. But I know what I think.
There are certain things you just “know” as a driver in the Boston area. You just know that, when coming to an intersection where a car is waiting at a stop sign, unless you’re right on the intersection, the car is going to turn in front of you. It just is. After you’ve seen it a few hundred times, it’s just something you know is going to happen. Same thing if you’re coming upon someone who is poised to turn left in front of you.
Today I was coming back from the bank on a two-way street going about 30mph. At one point the lanes widen to allow a center turning lane near some stores. I was about a block and a half away from the turn lane when a late-teens, early-20ish guy pulls into it, so naturally I think that he is going to turn in front of me. I’m getting closer and closer and he still hasn’t made a move so I figure I’ve found the one driver in the greater Boston area (besides myself, of course) that actually understands the whole concept of “right of way.”
Well, I was wrong. He sat there and for some reason waited until I was about 30 feet from the intersection and turned in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes and screech to a stop, barely missing his bumper. Why would he do this? If you’re going to turn in front of me, why not do it when I’m more than a block away instead of sitting there until I’m almost on you and then decide you just cannot wait three seconds more?
People are idiots.
Civility Lacking
Some things are just so easy to do. Like when you’re walking through a door, it’s just so easy to hold it open just a little longer for the person behind you.
I do this all the time. It’s become second nature to me. Sometimes I’ll hold the door open even when there isn’t anyone behind me, just to keep in practice.
Most people are very polite right back, saying thank you, nodding, or smiling. And on those occasions when people aren’t polite, it really doesn’t bother me. Sometimes people get caught up in what they’re doing and just don’t notice little acts of kindness that occur when they’re focused. They should, but it’s not the rudest thing in the world so I just don’t pay them any attention.
There comes a point, however, in which it becomes less of a social nicety and more of an actual personal favor to hold the door for someone. In that case, I think that it is incumbent upon the person to actually say “thank you.”
That happened for me today. I was coming out of the post office, and there is a heavy door that leads into the foyer where there is an entrance door on the right and an exit door on the left. I opened the door to leave and there was an elderly lady about to enter, so of course I held the door for her. She smiled, nodded, and proceeded into the post office. Then I noticed a 30ish obviously pregnant lady about 15 feet away climbing the stairs that lead to the entrance with a large baby car seat in her left hand and a box in her right hand, struggling up the last stair. I decided to wait where I was to hold the heavy door open for this lady. She walked up to the door, then stopped, put the baby seat and the box on the ground in the entranceway (had I let go of the door at that point the heavy door would have slammed into her), removed her sunglasses, put the sunglasses into her purse, picked up her box and baby seat, then walked right past me into the foyer. At no time during this entire process did she so much as look my way, much less offer a thank you.
Now, I hadn’t exactly saved this woman’s life. I wasn’t expecting her to fall to the ground and praise my name in gratitude. But nothing? It pissed me off, so as the heavy door swung closed I couldn’t help but look back and say in a very loud voice, as she was opening the inside door in the foyer, “please, don’t mention it!”
People are idiots.
Etc.
The Sox are 1-0 against the Rays in the ALCS. Go Sox!
We’ve got two more prospects about to sign on to the web site. This thing’s really starting to take off!
There was a cold snap, but now the days are warm again. I’m ready for fall.
I think I’ve done a pretty good job of not slamming Massachusetts drivers, but I’ll try to make up for it tonight.
It’s really distressing, because New Orleans isn’t at the top of most lists, but until I moved here I thought that New Orleans was at least #1 in bad drivers. But I was wrong. I was very wrong.
It’s not that drivers here are necessarily reckless or necessarily rude. Some are, but the vast majority just have no clue. And the scariest thing they have no clue about is right of way. Massachusetts drivers have no idea which car has the right of way. I’ve seen this play out in so many scenarios it’s ceased being funny. People in the right lane of the highway have no idea that they are supposed to allow cars to merge onto the highway. They tend to tailgate the car in front of them at merge points, in many cases forcing merging vehicles to drive along the shoulder until someone allows just enough room for the merging car to sneak in.
Possibly, they make up for this highway rudeness by being overly polite, or perhaps just ignorant, on city streets. I’ve actually been behind people, on more than one occasion, where we were going down a main street, we clearly had right of way over cross streets that had stop signs, and for no apparent reason, the car in front of me came to a complete stop in order to let someone at a stop sign go.
This might seem like the ultimate in politeness, but it’s actually the ultimate in stupidity, because I’ve had to slam on my brakes to avoid plowing into the back of these people. You just don’t expect the person in front of you to come to a complete stop in the middle of a main street. And it always takes longer for the person at the stop sign to realize that the idiot in front of me is not going to move until they do, than it would have taken for him and me to have driven past and given the driver a clear path to proceed.
I have not figured out if people are trying to make up for their rudeness on the highways by being overly polite on the surface streets, or if people here honestly have no clue whose right of way it is in any given situation. But I know what I think.
There are certain things you just “know” as a driver in the Boston area. You just know that, when coming to an intersection where a car is waiting at a stop sign, unless you’re right on the intersection, the car is going to turn in front of you. It just is. After you’ve seen it a few hundred times, it’s just something you know is going to happen. Same thing if you’re coming upon someone who is poised to turn left in front of you.
Today I was coming back from the bank on a two-way street going about 30mph. At one point the lanes widen to allow a center turning lane near some stores. I was about a block and a half away from the turn lane when a late-teens, early-20ish guy pulls into it, so naturally I think that he is going to turn in front of me. I’m getting closer and closer and he still hasn’t made a move so I figure I’ve found the one driver in the greater Boston area (besides myself, of course) that actually understands the whole concept of “right of way.”
Well, I was wrong. He sat there and for some reason waited until I was about 30 feet from the intersection and turned in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes and screech to a stop, barely missing his bumper. Why would he do this? If you’re going to turn in front of me, why not do it when I’m more than a block away instead of sitting there until I’m almost on you and then decide you just cannot wait three seconds more?
People are idiots.
Civility Lacking
Some things are just so easy to do. Like when you’re walking through a door, it’s just so easy to hold it open just a little longer for the person behind you.
I do this all the time. It’s become second nature to me. Sometimes I’ll hold the door open even when there isn’t anyone behind me, just to keep in practice.
Most people are very polite right back, saying thank you, nodding, or smiling. And on those occasions when people aren’t polite, it really doesn’t bother me. Sometimes people get caught up in what they’re doing and just don’t notice little acts of kindness that occur when they’re focused. They should, but it’s not the rudest thing in the world so I just don’t pay them any attention.
There comes a point, however, in which it becomes less of a social nicety and more of an actual personal favor to hold the door for someone. In that case, I think that it is incumbent upon the person to actually say “thank you.”
That happened for me today. I was coming out of the post office, and there is a heavy door that leads into the foyer where there is an entrance door on the right and an exit door on the left. I opened the door to leave and there was an elderly lady about to enter, so of course I held the door for her. She smiled, nodded, and proceeded into the post office. Then I noticed a 30ish obviously pregnant lady about 15 feet away climbing the stairs that lead to the entrance with a large baby car seat in her left hand and a box in her right hand, struggling up the last stair. I decided to wait where I was to hold the heavy door open for this lady. She walked up to the door, then stopped, put the baby seat and the box on the ground in the entranceway (had I let go of the door at that point the heavy door would have slammed into her), removed her sunglasses, put the sunglasses into her purse, picked up her box and baby seat, then walked right past me into the foyer. At no time during this entire process did she so much as look my way, much less offer a thank you.
Now, I hadn’t exactly saved this woman’s life. I wasn’t expecting her to fall to the ground and praise my name in gratitude. But nothing? It pissed me off, so as the heavy door swung closed I couldn’t help but look back and say in a very loud voice, as she was opening the inside door in the foyer, “please, don’t mention it!”
People are idiots.
Etc.
The Sox are 1-0 against the Rays in the ALCS. Go Sox!
We’ve got two more prospects about to sign on to the web site. This thing’s really starting to take off!
There was a cold snap, but now the days are warm again. I’m ready for fall.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Hilarious Parody
If you missed it and have an extra 11 minutes or so, check out SNL's parody of the Biden/Palin debate. Queen Latifah looks like she's about to lose it several times, and I can't blame her.
Things to look for:
"I love John McCain. He is one of my dearest friends. But at the same time, he's also dangerously unbalanced. I mean let's be frank, John McCain, and again this is a man I would take a bullet for, is bad at his job, and mentally unstable." Too funny!
"I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." Classic!
SNL VP Debate Parody
Things to look for:
"I love John McCain. He is one of my dearest friends. But at the same time, he's also dangerously unbalanced. I mean let's be frank, John McCain, and again this is a man I would take a bullet for, is bad at his job, and mentally unstable." Too funny!
"I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." Classic!
SNL VP Debate Parody
Monday, October 6, 2008
Taking The Plunge
Boy, it's a good thing this bailout bill passed or Wall Street might have taken a hit.
Sarcastic? Who, me?
The New York Times
Sarcastic? Who, me?
The New York Times
Saturday, October 4, 2008
You've Done Nothing
It was a great game. I completely enjoyed watching it. But, understand that all you've done is guarantee yourselves at least three more games this season. Bring it!
MLB.com
MLB.com
Friday, October 3, 2008
The Weekly Roundup
You Bet’cha
Palin-Biden debate sets TV ratings record
Perhaps it was because there was absolutely nothing on TV last night besides this debate! The ballgame was a blowout and every single channel had the debate going. We turned it on after it became clear that the game wasn’t going to get any better. I’ve never been very interested in Vice Presidential debates; I mean seriously. We vote the top of the ticket, not the bottom. An elected Vice President really hasn’t been relevant since LBJ in the 60s. At first it was just background noise as I did some work on the computer but then I started actually watching, and I have to say I came away from the debate with more respect for both Biden and Palin. He managed to avoid being petty and condescending, and actually came off compassionate and knowledgeable without any gaffes as he is famous for. She actually showed up prepared, which shows that she studied for this debate. I have no problems with candidates who don’t know all the details about all the issues, but you need to show a penchant for picking things up, and she certainly was a fast study. But what struck me the most about this debate was the level of communication. You actually learned something about these two during the course of the debate. It wasn’t just an alternating hooray for our side/boo for your other side kind of thing, like the Obama/McCain debate was. You actually had two leaders engaging in meaningful dialogue and each came off as honest. Still don’t know who I’m voting for, but I am at least impressed with whoever wins the #2 spot.
(Reuters)
He’s Bailing
Paulson Moves On to Nuts and Bolts of Rescue
After all this, they’re still saying we will most likely see a deep recession. Basically, we’re screwed already so I repeat, WHY are we bailing these people out? Why don’t we let the market adjust on its own? If we’re going to have to suffer the effects of recession anyway, why don’t we suffer a little more for a little longer and then possibly come away with a new model for financial markets that actually works like it's supposed to?
(Washington Post)
Granny’s Got a Gun, Part II
Ohio woman, 90, shoots self during eviction; Fannie Mae forgives loan
Maybe instead of buying bad debts, the government should just hand out free guns to anyone who is about to be foreclosed on. Then maybe the whole thing would just work itself out, case by case, one way or another.
(USA Today)
Tough Luck
Chance meeting leads to arrest in 1967 killing
This has to be one of the craziest arrests I’ve ever heard about. For 41 years this guy has been running the streets and because some police officer took an interest in a story told to him by an Alzheimer’s patient at a dinner party, the suspect is now in custody. Wow.
(Associated Press)
Perv
Police: Pa. landlord spied on 34 female tenants
Seriously, can’t you just download porn like a normal person? It’s easy to find, and it’s free. Um….so I’ve been told.
(Associated Press)
Palin-Biden debate sets TV ratings record
Perhaps it was because there was absolutely nothing on TV last night besides this debate! The ballgame was a blowout and every single channel had the debate going. We turned it on after it became clear that the game wasn’t going to get any better. I’ve never been very interested in Vice Presidential debates; I mean seriously. We vote the top of the ticket, not the bottom. An elected Vice President really hasn’t been relevant since LBJ in the 60s. At first it was just background noise as I did some work on the computer but then I started actually watching, and I have to say I came away from the debate with more respect for both Biden and Palin. He managed to avoid being petty and condescending, and actually came off compassionate and knowledgeable without any gaffes as he is famous for. She actually showed up prepared, which shows that she studied for this debate. I have no problems with candidates who don’t know all the details about all the issues, but you need to show a penchant for picking things up, and she certainly was a fast study. But what struck me the most about this debate was the level of communication. You actually learned something about these two during the course of the debate. It wasn’t just an alternating hooray for our side/boo for your other side kind of thing, like the Obama/McCain debate was. You actually had two leaders engaging in meaningful dialogue and each came off as honest. Still don’t know who I’m voting for, but I am at least impressed with whoever wins the #2 spot.
(Reuters)
He’s Bailing
Paulson Moves On to Nuts and Bolts of Rescue
After all this, they’re still saying we will most likely see a deep recession. Basically, we’re screwed already so I repeat, WHY are we bailing these people out? Why don’t we let the market adjust on its own? If we’re going to have to suffer the effects of recession anyway, why don’t we suffer a little more for a little longer and then possibly come away with a new model for financial markets that actually works like it's supposed to?
(Washington Post)
Granny’s Got a Gun, Part II
Ohio woman, 90, shoots self during eviction; Fannie Mae forgives loan
Maybe instead of buying bad debts, the government should just hand out free guns to anyone who is about to be foreclosed on. Then maybe the whole thing would just work itself out, case by case, one way or another.
(USA Today)
Tough Luck
Chance meeting leads to arrest in 1967 killing
This has to be one of the craziest arrests I’ve ever heard about. For 41 years this guy has been running the streets and because some police officer took an interest in a story told to him by an Alzheimer’s patient at a dinner party, the suspect is now in custody. Wow.
(Associated Press)
Perv
Police: Pa. landlord spied on 34 female tenants
Seriously, can’t you just download porn like a normal person? It’s easy to find, and it’s free. Um….so I’ve been told.
(Associated Press)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
What's In My Inbox
Today is International Disturbed People's Day
Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself.. You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Today's Message of the Day is:
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.
---------------------------------------------------------
This was sent to me by a very disturbed friend!
Etc.
The Sox are 1-0 in the first round of the playoffs. Geaux Sox!
It's getting nice & cool. Autumn has arrived. Woohoo!
I'll be in New Orleans October 21-28. Anybody wanna get together? Hit me up.
Groan
I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I Wonder...
-how I can get the same deal as NFL referees: "criticize me, and you have to pay a fine!" But no. If I want you to stop criticizing me I have to actually, you know, improve.
-why I can’t join the YLC Facebook group, even though I am a dues-paying member, just because I’m not in the New Orleans, LA network.
-while thinking about facebook, how much better the world would be if people spent as much time and energy on recruiting, supporting, and voting on candidates who actually have something to offer as they do on griping, complaining, petitioning, and boycotting the new facebook layout. Just deal with it already!
-why we are responsible for our own financial situations, but people who are responsible for billions of dollars of other people’s money qualify for a bailout.
-while thinking about the bailout, where this $700 billion is coming from. If the unfortunate collapse hadn’t happened, would every taxpayer in America have gotten around $3,000 back from the federal government this year? Or are we finally going to sell California to the Russians?
-why Lincoln promotes its MKS using “Major Tom,” a ballad that is about the complete systems failure of a mechanical object.
-why Bubby texts me things like, “Sucks! It’s ok well just me the shit out of them” as if I am supposed to understand what the hell that means.
-how to convince Bill that 83 degrees is warm enough to put the air conditioner on, even though it’s “almost October.”
-where Paul Newman is.
-why Don Imus lost his job for calling Rutgers female basketball players “nappy-headed ho’s” yet Sandra Bernhard faces no public outrage for suggesting that Sarah Palin be raped by her “big black brothers.”
Groan
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Weekly Roundup
Money Matters
A changed Wall Street hopes for positive signs
As soon as the federal government agrees to spend billions and billions of taxpayer dollars to bail out the rich (yet again) they go ahead and ramp up again. How many times are we going to bail these people out until they get it right? And doesn’t all this bailing out cripple the natural evolution of a market-driven economy? Where would so many of the small businesses that fail every year be if we didn’t feel it necessary to equip big investment companies with golden parachutes when they clearly don’t learn from their mistakes?
(International Herald Tribune)
Bring It On, Bitches
In video, Al Qaeda vows more U.S. attacks
They talk tough, but all they want to do is kill innocent people who haven’t done a thing to them just to make a point. I guess the point they’re trying to make is, “we can kill people.” Really, what they are is a bunch of cowards that deserve our pity and to be wiped off the planet.
(CNN)
Got Scandal?
Milk off shelves as China's safety scandal grows
Who could have seen this one coming? Of all the processed products out there, who ever would have thought that milk would be a target of additives that will make people sick? And with the suggestion of animal urine possibly being added, I don’t know if I’ll ever drink milk again.
(Associated Press)
The Snoops Trial
Class action lawsuit charges President, NSA with illegal surveillance
Of course, this will never go anywhere, and that’s a shame. I completely agree with President Bush that terrorists are still looking to attack this country and that we need to use whatever methods are available to find out who they are and what they plan. But I would argue that arbitrary, unwarranted spying on Americans is not a method available to the government. If we’re going to give up our civil rights in the name of security, then what freedoms, exactly, are we trying to preserve?
(BetaNews)
And the Smog Gets Heavier
Light Rail Train Hits Bus in LA; 14 Injured
Two train catastrophes in one week in LA. At least this one didn’t involve any fatalities. Hopefully the MTA will get its act together after this one.
(ABC News)
Damn Democrats!
Tryst in Minneapolis hotel room turns into $50K robbery for Republican convention delegate
Well, what do you expect to happen when you pick up Chelsea Clinton at a bar at the Republican convention?
(Newsday)
Dr. Detroit
Detroit welcomes a new mayor, a new era
And this one doesn’t have to wear an ankle monitor!
(Detroit Free Press)
Ghost of the Past
Ike uncovers mystery ship in Alabama
I guess hurricanes aren’t totally a negative thing. How did no one find this before now? It couldn’t have been buried that far out for Ike to have uncovered it.
(USA Today)
Go Cook Yourself
Skin Cancer Researchers Oppose Industry Campaign to Portray Tanning Beds as Healthy
What I don’t understand is how people can fall for crap like the tanning industry tries to shove down our throats? If ultraviolet rays are unhealthy when coming from the sun, which is about 93 million miles away, then how is it possible to think that they are not unhealthy when coming from a source that’s about 3 inches away?
(WebMD)
Tiger Bait
John Werner's College Predictions: Auburn tough spot for LSU
Hopefully tomorrow’s outcome will reverse the trend of LSU losing at Auburn. Go Tigers! (the LSU ones, I mean)
(Waco Tribune-Herald)
Slummin’
Diddy and His Private Plane Feel Pain at the Pump
This is a disgrace. Something has to be done. It’s bad enough that Americans are scaling back their vacations, people have to take public transportation more often, the price of everything that is moved by gasoline powered vehicles (read: everything) is going up, but now Diddy has to travel on first class instead of private jet! Somebody let me know where I can donate money to ease this poor man’s pain.
(PopEater)
A changed Wall Street hopes for positive signs
As soon as the federal government agrees to spend billions and billions of taxpayer dollars to bail out the rich (yet again) they go ahead and ramp up again. How many times are we going to bail these people out until they get it right? And doesn’t all this bailing out cripple the natural evolution of a market-driven economy? Where would so many of the small businesses that fail every year be if we didn’t feel it necessary to equip big investment companies with golden parachutes when they clearly don’t learn from their mistakes?
(International Herald Tribune)
Bring It On, Bitches
In video, Al Qaeda vows more U.S. attacks
They talk tough, but all they want to do is kill innocent people who haven’t done a thing to them just to make a point. I guess the point they’re trying to make is, “we can kill people.” Really, what they are is a bunch of cowards that deserve our pity and to be wiped off the planet.
(CNN)
Got Scandal?
Milk off shelves as China's safety scandal grows
Who could have seen this one coming? Of all the processed products out there, who ever would have thought that milk would be a target of additives that will make people sick? And with the suggestion of animal urine possibly being added, I don’t know if I’ll ever drink milk again.
(Associated Press)
The Snoops Trial
Class action lawsuit charges President, NSA with illegal surveillance
Of course, this will never go anywhere, and that’s a shame. I completely agree with President Bush that terrorists are still looking to attack this country and that we need to use whatever methods are available to find out who they are and what they plan. But I would argue that arbitrary, unwarranted spying on Americans is not a method available to the government. If we’re going to give up our civil rights in the name of security, then what freedoms, exactly, are we trying to preserve?
(BetaNews)
And the Smog Gets Heavier
Light Rail Train Hits Bus in LA; 14 Injured
Two train catastrophes in one week in LA. At least this one didn’t involve any fatalities. Hopefully the MTA will get its act together after this one.
(ABC News)
Damn Democrats!
Tryst in Minneapolis hotel room turns into $50K robbery for Republican convention delegate
Well, what do you expect to happen when you pick up Chelsea Clinton at a bar at the Republican convention?
(Newsday)
Dr. Detroit
Detroit welcomes a new mayor, a new era
And this one doesn’t have to wear an ankle monitor!
(Detroit Free Press)
Ghost of the Past
Ike uncovers mystery ship in Alabama
I guess hurricanes aren’t totally a negative thing. How did no one find this before now? It couldn’t have been buried that far out for Ike to have uncovered it.
(USA Today)
Go Cook Yourself
Skin Cancer Researchers Oppose Industry Campaign to Portray Tanning Beds as Healthy
What I don’t understand is how people can fall for crap like the tanning industry tries to shove down our throats? If ultraviolet rays are unhealthy when coming from the sun, which is about 93 million miles away, then how is it possible to think that they are not unhealthy when coming from a source that’s about 3 inches away?
(WebMD)
Tiger Bait
John Werner's College Predictions: Auburn tough spot for LSU
Hopefully tomorrow’s outcome will reverse the trend of LSU losing at Auburn. Go Tigers! (the LSU ones, I mean)
(Waco Tribune-Herald)
Slummin’
Diddy and His Private Plane Feel Pain at the Pump
This is a disgrace. Something has to be done. It’s bad enough that Americans are scaling back their vacations, people have to take public transportation more often, the price of everything that is moved by gasoline powered vehicles (read: everything) is going up, but now Diddy has to travel on first class instead of private jet! Somebody let me know where I can donate money to ease this poor man’s pain.
(PopEater)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Water, Water Everywhere
Hurricane Ike came through last weekend and devastated southeast Texas and even caused some havoc in Louisiana. Thanks to Joan, here are some photos of Manchac. Manchac is a small fishing village between New Orleans and Hammond. There is a great seafood restaurant there called Middendorf's that I took Bill to last year when we were visiting. There is really nothing on I-55 on the 30 mile trip between LaPlace and Hammond except Manchac. You're just driving along over water for miles and then all of a sudden there's this little place with the restaurant. The white building is the original restaurant. If you look at the window all the way on the right, that's where we were sitting. Even though it's literally in the middle of nowhere, after a few years they couldn't handle the volume in the restaurant and opened the brown building across the parking lot. So the same restaurant operates in two different buildings less than 100 yards from each other!
The pictures after that are from Texas. Then the final picture is a happy one after all of the devastation. It's of my two favorite football players in the world!
The Original Middendorf's
Photo Emmitt Hawks - US Navy
Photo L.M. Otero - AP
Photo Richard Alan Hannon - AP
Photo Smiley N. Pool - AP
Photo Tony Gutierrez - AP
Photo Eric Gay - AP
Photo U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. James L. Harper, Jr. - Reuters
The pictures after that are from Texas. Then the final picture is a happy one after all of the devastation. It's of my two favorite football players in the world!
The Original Middendorf's
The new Middendorf's
Photo Smiley N. Pool - AP
Source: Reuters/NASA
Source: STR/AFP: Getty Images
Photo Emmitt Hawks - US Navy
Photo David J. Phillip - AP
Photo Eric Gay - AP
Photo Carlos Barria - Reuters
Photo Kevin M. Cox - AP
Photo L.M. Otero - AP
Photo David J. Phillip - AP
Photo David J. Phillip
Photo David J. Phillip
Photo David J. Phillip
Photo Richard Alan Hannon - AP
Photo Alex Brandon - AP
Photo Smiley N. Pool
Photo Scott Olson
Photo L.M. Otero - AP
Photo Smiley N. Pool - AP
Photo Tony Gutierrez - AP
Photo Mark Wilson
Photo David J. Phillip - AP
Photo Matt Slocum - AP
Photo Tony Gutierrez - AP
Photo David J. Phillip
Photo Matt Slocum - AP
Photo Eric Gay - AP
Photo U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. James L. Harper, Jr. - Reuters
And, finally, a photo of my two favorite football players in the whole world, my nephews Jacob and Matty!
Photo their Mom Rebecca
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