25 Things

I just got "tagged" on facebook where you have to write out a list of 25 things and then send them out to 25 other people who then have to send out 25 things to 25 people and on and on. I guess it's the chain letter of the new millenium.

It turned out not to be such a bad thing. It causes you to introspect, to consider what 25 things you'd most like people to know. I purposely injected some humor into mine along with some serious thoughts. I'm glad I did it for many reasons, not the least of which is I was able to get an easy blog entry out of it! Enjoy.

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Once you've been tagged, you write a note with 25 random things (shortcomings, facts, habits or goals). At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people in the right hand corner of the app then click publish.)

1. Statistics show that most people will only read up to number 4 or 5, then get bored or distracted. So I only have, at most, 4 more good ones to come up with then I can just kind of phone in the rest.

2. I have a blog. I’m kind of bad at updating it, but my New Year’s resolution is to try and update it at least twice a week (http://beantowndfromthebigeasy.blogspot.com/).

3. There are at least five things that people should never do on impulse: conceive a child, make a major purchase, declare war, acquire a pet, and get married. People should try to think through the ramifications (play the “end game”) before doing any of these things.

4. You appreciate thick comfy socks a lot more up north than down south.

5. I take it personally and get angry, and sometimes vengeful, when people cut me off while driving. I shouldn’t, but I do.

6. This country was a lot better off before politics became alternating popularity and mud-slinging contests, when decent and noble men and women viewed entering politics as an opportunity to serve their fellow citizens rather than to create dynasties for themselves. I don’t think that this problem has an easy or obvious solution.

7. The more you think about it, the more you realize that YOU pay for everything. No matter how much you’re told “the government is paying for this,” or “the company is giving you this for free,” or “this foundation gave away millions of dollars to these causes,” if you trace back the money trail it all ends at you. If you think about this too much, you will go insane.

8. What if the hokey-pokey really IS what it’s all about?

9. While I guess I am considered pro-choice because I do not believe that it is the government’s place to interfere in its citizens’ lives regarding their moral decisions, I am personally against the practice and, in the unlikely event that I would ever find myself in the position of having impregnated a woman who chooses to have an abortion, would take extraordinary measures, up to and including court intervention, to stop my child from being aborted. Pro-choice does NOT mean “pro-abortion” as one reality-challenged, religiously-brainwashed individual snidely called me recently. In fact, I consider myself “anti-abortion,” because I would not permit it in my own life. But I, like the government, have no business telling anyone else what to do unless the decision affects me directly.

10. A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

11. One needs only to take a drive around Boston, Massachusetts and notice how few accidents occur relative to the manner in which people drive, to become a believer in the chaos theory.

12. I believe that the two-party system is bad for our country. It values positions over ideas. I could write a whole book about this, and one day I might.

13. Whew. Halfway through.

14. I believe in God, but I reject religion. I’ve never heard of anyone being killed over God, but I know of many people, entire civilizations in fact, that have been killed over religion. I’ve thought deeply about this for a long time and the best that I have determined is, there has to be some type of entity that is a higher form of being than humans to have created, or begun, or energized all that exists. But, this entity, whatever its manifestation, is something that is so far beyond the realm of humans’ ability to understand it, that we are arrogant for even trying. God created the world. Man created religion. I know many, many good people who are religious. However, I think these people would have been good people anyway, had religion never been invented.

15. Ketchup should not be stored in the refrigerator. Ever.

16. Elisa sent this to me as “16 Things” and I was almost done with it, and then Tamara sent me the exact same thing except that it was “25 Things.” So instead of being done I got 9 more to do. Thanks, Tamara!

17. I love karaoke. Sometimes on Saturday night I go sing karaoke at this dive called Banana Cabana in Middleton with my neighbors Nancy & Bob. If you’ve never heard Bob sing “My Way” then you’ve not experienced Shakespeare as it was meant to be. Antonio, the guy who runs the karaoke, always wants me to sing “Movin’ Out” by Billy Joel and “Take It to the Limit” by the Eagles. One time he downloaded “Louisiana Saturday Night” right there because I wanted to sing it. Once when I was in P-Town I sang “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” with a 6’5 transvestite named Dana, who was sporting a long blond mullet, singing the female’s lyrics. This happened after about 7 Long Island Teas, but I probably would have done it cold sober anyway.

18. Every day, I think about the people that I love and miss. Maw-Maw, Dad, Seaner, Nan-Nan, Uncle Johnny, Uncle Bob, Charlene. I picture them all in heaven having a big ol’ party together.

19. If you are attacked, fight back. The two most vulnerable places on the human body are the crotch and the eyes. Go for them. And don’t be polite about it either. Punch, grab, and squeeze the crotch. That will cripple the guy, but if it doesn’t work, poke him directly in the eyes with your index and middle fingers. Then run like hell. So what if you blind the son of a bitch? When they come for your life, all bets are off.

20. I installed a skylight in the living room. The people who live above me are furious.

21. Before I moved to Massachusetts, I had never heard of “closing” a pool. But every October we have to “close” the pool. Then in May, we have to “open” the pool. That’s weird. The other big difference between Boston and New Orleans is the whole concept of “last call.” Once I had some New Orleans friends visiting and the bartender announced “last call.” My friends asked what “last call” was and I replied that was when you stopped drinking. My friends said, “why on earth would you stop drinking?” I didn’t have a good answer to that question.

22. I spilled some soda on my snuggie, but it was okay because I wiped it up with my sham-WOW.

23. Hurricane Katrina was a surreal experience for me. Growing up in New Orleans, I always heard things like “the big one’s coming,” and “one of these days the levees are going to give and the whole city’s going to flood.” Storms come and storms go, you evacuate for a day or two, then come home, pick up the stuff that blew around, and continue life pretty much as normal. Then, at 36, I move to Boston and less than a month later the one I’ve heard about my whole life hits. For two days I did nothing but sit on the couch watching the news, trying to get in touch with people. I became sort of the communications hub for my family and friends. I had a spreadsheet going, when I got in touch with someone I’d put in where they were and how to get in touch with them so when friends would say “I don’t know where Joe ended up,” I’d check the spreadsheet and say, “well, Joe’s in Jackson at the Holiday Inn, room 255, here’s the landline.” It was the only thing that kept me sane, knowing that I had to keep up with my mom and the rest of my family and everybody else. Well, that, and the vodka.

24. Charlene and I went to Jewel’s concert in 2003, and it was excellent. She had just finished singing “Hands” which I love, and in the little break between songs I decided to scream out “I love you Jewel” at a quiet point in the concert. Jewel looked up from the guitar she was tuning, leaned into the microphone, and said in her sultry voice, “I love you too, baby.” I thought that was the coolest thing.

25. One day, I’m either going to figure it all out, or die. Either way, I’ll be done.